World Class Chat Up Lines

Lines to use….at a nightclub

Nightclubs are the perfect place to meet a girl. Their true colours come out on a night out. They aren’t hiding behind a shirt, blouse or whatever else they would wear for work, therefore showing you the ones that are there for just a good time. Kind of makes it easy I suppose. It’s always good to have a supply of lines to feed them though. If you want to go for the nice sweet girl like Stephen does then you’re in the wrong place but you might as well try them to make him happy.

To be honest, you aren’t going to find the girl of your dreams in a nightclub. First impressions are a big thing, do you really want you first impression to be her dancing on the table with her leg behind her head?

That’s exactly what I want

Well some people don’t. You just have to speak your mind when doing this and find someone that looks like they aren’t there for a quick bunk up… rarely do they end up being your wife.

Anyway, here’s a line I have for the occasion

“May I have this dance?”

Yeah, that’s it. It’s simple and not sleezy like they’d have been getting all night. If she’s a nice girl she’ll appreciate it and you’d have made her happy. It could be the start of something beautiful. Be a gentleman and buy her a drink too.

The only thing you’re going to pull with that line is a muscle while dancing alone while crying at your failure in your drink. Try these for size.

“Do you come here often or do you wait until you get home?”

This one is my favourite because it’s a cheeky play on words. Should this fail (you must have done it wrong), you either picked someone with no sense of humour or a nun… although Sister Pauline liked it…

That one is sick! I feel I need to make another one just to make up for that one.

“I’m a man of simple needs and I simply need you”

This one, as usual with mine should only be said if you actually mean it. It’s a nice sweet line could work anywhere really. (I’ve actually sent this one off a few years ago to a TV show and the woman presenting said she liked it too…think I pulled.

I remember that, The Mint I think it was, she was probably tired because it was on at 4am!  I think it’s only fair that I have another one.

“I like a challenge as long as it’s doable…you’re a challenge”

Try and make her use the word challenge to you. you could do this by simply telling her you can flip 37 beer mats off the table and catch them in your mouth. You better hope she says “That sounds like a challenge!” or else you’re going to have to get a mouth full of beermats. If you manage that then she’ll be equally impressed.

Time to go because Stephen has walked out in protest..

Happy New Year

S + R x

Lines to use… at Christmas

Sorry for not being on for a while, me and Stephen have had ourselves a little holiday to Spain. I don’t think the Spanish girls really understood what I was saying because my lines went right over their heads…didn’t want them anyway.

Moving on…

It’s that time of year again where girls dress up as slutty Santas that even Santa would think about cheating with Mary Clause for one night

Those women need to sort themselves out or they’ll end up catching a cold and end up in hospital

Shut up, Stephen, nobody wants to hear the opinion of someone with a girly mind.

Fine, we’ll see who comes out best in this situation.

Right, I’ll continue…

Christmas brings cold weather, mistletoe and of course; those cheesy Christmas songs that only come out this time of year (A bit like Stephen). Here’s some lines

“They call me the anti-Santa because I come more than once a year”

This one will make them laugh…and it’s factual (Unless you’re Stephen)

Shut up..and that’s probably one of the worst ones you could even think of.

“If you were around in Jesus times then the wise men would have come to you because your eyes are as beautiful as the northern star”

This one is true and as with all my lines, only say it if you mean it. Nothing worse than men like Richard using these lines for their own gain.

Yeah, pretty sure you’re the only man like that in this world… Even Louie Spence uses them for his personal gain.

Lines to use… In a supermarket

They say that most people go to the supermarket to find a partner, the frozen foods aisle is the place to be. so if you have a free night and feeling lonely then you should go and buy that chicken you were ‘meaning to get’. You have to ask yourself why they would have to go to a supermarket to pick up someone though…beware of the Yeti.

I’ll go first this time to show Stephen how to do it, I doubt he will even have a line for this so I think I’ve got this one in the bag.

“You must be for sale because I am checking you out”

This one is good because it has a cheeky play on words. Might be best to use this one when you’re near the tills though. Make sure you say it so she doesn’t think you’re calling her a prostitute…trust me on that one.

Yep…that’s got to be the worst one yet. So much for this being your expertise. This is how to do it.

“I’ve always dreamt of walking down the aisle with a girl like you”

Girls love weddings, a line about weddings will get them more excited than a dog seeing a trampoline full of bones!

What is it with you and dogs on trampolines?

R + S x

Lines to use online 3

Right, this is the last online one, don’t want Stephen getting all the girls (or men) with his lines.

One word…’Bruce’… You can start this time

“You have a USB, Ultra Sexy Body”

Even the technophobes know what a USB is, you may want to use this one if USB comes up in conversation, it happens more times than you think you know. Only the other day I was talking about USBs to my nana on Myspace… I didn’t use the line though

It could also stand for ‘Ultra Sexy Bruce’ in your case…anyway

“My feelings for you are like the Internet, never ending”

If you mean it then you could change the word ‘Feelings’ to ‘Love’. Only do it if you really mean it though. Probably best you’re pretty close to her when you use that one too.

Awww, I have a tear in my eye…because I was tearing them out reading it…

More lines to use onine

Seeing as though Stephen can only get a girl if she’s online I thought I’d have another online chat up line section, to make him feel good and that.

I can get girls in other places

Stephen, she was a waitress and she asked for your table number not your phone number…that still makes me laugh

It was an honest mistake!

Anyway, just get on with it.

Alright.

“People say that Chuck Norris can’t cry, he’s never seen your beauty”

Everyone loves a Chuck Norris Line, they did in 2008 anyway! Even if they’ve gone off them, they will like this one. Chuck Norris AND a Compliment

GAY!! Here’s mine

“WANNA CYBER LOL”

WARNING: You may be talking to a 40 year old trucker called Bruce, always ask “ASL” first. This is fun if she has a webcam, you get to see everything and aso the safety of knowing she’s actually female (Not always clear *shudder*)

And you call me gay? 5 minutes it took you to realise. BOOM!

Lines to use online

As I’m such a good friend I’m going to let Stephen use his line first. (Mostly because it’ll make mine seem so much better :) )

I know what you’re thinking “Why would I want to pick up a girl online? They will probably be a trucker called Bruce from Chester. You don’t have to meet the girl online, just chat to her online via social networking sites or instant messaging sites (Sounds like too much hard work but Stephen suggested it) The girl might need the knowledge of online ‘memes’ to fully get these lines

Richard, shut up, I’ve heard your lines, the only people they work on are truckers called Bruce!

It was one time, just do your line would you.

Alright, cool it.

“If you were the game, I’d lose 24/7”

This one is good because it shows that you are thinking about her. It’s probably best to use it on someone you have known for a while because it may seem a bit creepy telling a girl that you’re always thinking about her when she doesn’t even know your name. It’s also essential that she knows what ‘The game’ is or she might think you are calling her a prostitute…you don’t need that.

My turn now :D

“How would you like to access my space” 

For this to work you’ll need a phone that looks like it has the internet on. Show her the phone as you say the line. This works well because everyone has heard of Myspace, right? Even my nana has one! Her and Tom are best friends.

Nobody uses Myspace these days, it’s all about Tumblr, Facebook and Twitter

I’ll Twitter you in a minute if you don’t shush!

…it’s called Tweeting